That I Get to Choose is a Luxury
Luxury to me, is many things. But one in particular is being able wake up everyday with a choice. Maybe you plan your days out or maybe you go with the flow. Your choice. You are able to choose how you handle the situations thrown at you, able to choose kindness over evil, you are able to choose to speak your thoughts or to hold them in. I invite you to remind yourself that you hold the power to your own actions, your own thoughts, every single day. It’s a choice. It’s your choice.
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It’s morning and I open my eyes. Depending on the sleep I’ve gotten or the dream I woke up to, I lay in my bed for a minute viewing the room around me. Admiring the space. Admiring the choices I’ve made for myself. In that minute I feel the most peaceful, relaxed, and light. I enjoy that moment. I sometimes forget this moment. As I slowly push my elbow into the mattress off onto my hand, I prop my self up and let my legs fall off the bed. I grab the glass of water that sits ready for me on my side table, drink the entirety of it to grease up my gears and take a deep breath. It’s time to start my day. It’s time to make my choices.
Lately, my days have been flying so fast like a Lamborghini in sport mode, so those morning moments of peace get erased or forgotten. So fast and free yet, so loud. Sometimes it feels like I am sitting at a restaurant on a crowded street and hear that Lamborghini engine rev past me so like it’s echoing in a tunnel. So loud that the people near me are complaining about how “that guy was a jackass.” Other times I watch the beautifully designed car slow down and respect the peace. Sometimes I am the driver, sometimes I am the observer. I am watching him, watching me drive by. . I am watching a projection of myself that I created make a decision based off of awareness. Respect the peace or drive with ego.
A little piece of me is in everything I see. That rhymed! The moments that I forget that I have a choice are caused by my mind moving too fast. Everything becomes so loud that I no longer see my surroundings. It’s moving so fast that I can’t slow down and utilize all of my senses. There is a part of me that jumps at the words that flow off my lips, surprised at what I’ve said only wishing that I could reach out to grab it and take it back. A part of me that can instantly regret any action or sudden move I make because I didn’t slow down before doing so.. That moment of ease is the part of me that wanted to be kind, peaceful and light and as I am writing this, I think to all the times this writing could have been useful.
But I’m not perfect. What I say can be contradictory and hypocritical. What I do can cause others to think “what a jackass”. Only, I remind myself that I am human. I remind myself that it is okay to make mistakes. I remind myself that every action causes a reaction and that reaction is my choice. I remind myself that next time I can do it better and that everything is a learning experience. That is what’s so great about being human. We are conscious of what we are capable of doing, feeling, being, everything. We are aware of what fears us most, what brings us peace and we can calculate so many different conclusions in our heads. Over thinking much?
We are awake. I am awake. In moments of ease, I bring myself back down to earth, to my body. To feel my body. I feel my toes, my ankles, knees, thighs, my gut, my chest and heart, my shoulders and arms all the way to my finger tips. I feel my lips and my nose, up to my eyes, I feel my ears. I listen, I look at my surroundings and admire my space. I feel me. I breathe a few breathes to remind myself that I am human and I am in control of me. I look around to feel or even find that moment of peace, relaxation, and lightness for I am awake. For I am the one who gets to make the choice of managing MY feelings, my emotions, my reactions. I can choose to learn and grow. I can choose all of these wonderful things or, I can choose to live in my head, to chase my words until they’ve written a novel, to live in regret, to not be aware.
That I get to choose is a luxury.
