Over-thinking

I remember driving west through the I-10, from Arizona to Los Angeles, during a hot summer in mid July. It was probably around 110 degrees when I noticed a large body of water in the distance on the road ahead of me. With no clouds in site, I was confused as to where this water may have come from. Is it a lake, maybe a pond or a reservoir, or maybe it’s a figment of my imagination? The more I drove, I thought; will I drive into it and get stuck or will the road turn and curve so I’ll drive right passed it? As I drove further and further, the farther away it got. But where was it going?

My vigorous over-thinking can sometimes be the only ideas surfing my brain, taking me away from the present moment. They sometimes can feel like I dropped my glasses and can no longer see, stuck on the floor trying to feel for them and shaming myself for it. Long drives, walks alone, train rides, disassociation, make it easy to get lost in thought. My brain is constantly coming up with scenarios that only exist in the realm of my mind. Reality can fade away quickly with a couple of intrusive thoughts and blips of over thinking that are unwanted. But what about the real world outside of myself, outside of my mind? The world where everyone around me can tap in to notice me glaring off into the abyss.

What about when I’m deep in conversation with someone then notice a bird in the distance, floating with the help of a wind tunnel. Yes, I am listening and engaged in our conversation but I can’t help but notice this bird. This majestic creature I am looking at just above your head is also in my present moment. This bird isn’t a thought entering my mind, it’s a clear vision in front of me. So by observing this bird, now going into my own thoughts about what I am looking at, changing a connected present moment, am I being taken away from your present moment, from our conversation that is also happening right in front of me? Or am I noticing other present moments happening around us? How does my attention or consciousness exist in simultaneous present moments? Do present moments only occur outside of the mind?

If this bird has me enter a state of awareness to it, isn’t that also considered being in the present moment of the bird itself? How does one meet in the middle of both present moments without losing concentration of the two? What if we add a third party, a second bird or even a plane that looks low enough to meet one another. Now I have entered a third state of awareness, focusing on the three. Not only am I conversing with you, but many things have entered my frame of vision that I believe have wanted me to see and open up a moment of awareness for them. Each are considered being in the present moment.

But our conversation, a series of moments where I am supposed to be thinking and replying appropriately, keeping yours and my attention engaged & everything else around us that is wanting me to notice its own present moment has my attention.

If this isn’t the most over thought story I’ve ever written, I don’t know what is.

Maybe what i’m saying is, what if; even in your own world, your own bubble that may have someone or something else in it, whatever you are focusing your attention on right now, something else may be calling for it. So what, do you just ignore it? Do you observe it and accept it’s existence and explore the thoughts that rush through your brain? Do you try and throw it out of your head to keep yourself focused had your attention first? The life or adamant object that introduced itself to you in it’s own present moment, are all dying to have you make it exist in it’s own reality of awareness. You have created everything that exists around you by subconsciously acknowledging that it is real, even if you’re not paying attention to it, even if you’re not touching it.

Now if a thought enters my mind, is that also something that is seeking attention of itself for a present moment? Why is it that as soon as a thought, something my brain has created, enters my mind, it’s not considered being present?

Overthinking may be unhealthy but what if I were to take all of those thoughts out of my mind and create each as an object you could touch, an object you could hold, an object that could fly? Isn’t this how some of the greatest inventions were created? Isn’t this exactly how almost everything around us is real?

What if these thoughts that are in my mind, turned everything that I see into something that exists around me. What if overthinking was actually being present to your mind itself and the reason you are here is because you are conscious enough to know that. If we had no thought, what would seize to exist?